As Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour sings in Comfortably Numb, that was my sensory addiction for 45 years:
“Hello? Hello? Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me Is there anyone at home?
Come on now I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain Get you on your feet again
This is not how I am I have become comfortably numb
There is no pain you are receding A distant ship, smoke on the horizon You are only coming through in waves Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now The child is grown The dream is gone I have become comfortably numb…………………”
The major editing that I did was eliminating the “pin prick” verse, because thank God I never tried heroin. Born with my addictive personality with its psychological roots of unworthiness and losing everything I liked, coupled with my innate rebelliousness of teetering onto the very edge of things ~ thinking that I had nothing to lose, I was the perfect lab rat for marijuana.
Ever since my friend Tyke at Bishop Riordan High School in San Francisco asked if I wanted to smoke a joint at 15, that was the beginning of a lifetime of servitude to the entry drug of all entry drugs ~ cannabis sativa.
Already drinking 6 packs of another DRUG known as beer, I admit that those early days of laughing uncontrollably and getting severe cases of the munchies were a total blast.
Marijuana became my entry drug into hashish, psilocybin, opium, cocaine, amphetamines, barbiturates, mescaline, LSD, Quaaludes, peyote, PCP, Valium, Vicodin and super increased alcohol intoxication, it really did make me comfortably numb ~ or so I thought.
Marijuana blocks God and keeps you in your head. And since a human being is more than just the mind and the body, it created a constant hamster wheel of paralytic perfectionism questioning everything that I did.
That is why especially in today's Nazi house arrest protocol, I am totally against any use of marijuana. These most critical days of purposefully paid for by The 1 World Order Freemason Cult of non-stop fear tactics, distractions, false flags, fake news, alternative news, emotion swaying, etc., require that we be MORE conscious than ever before.
Yeshua (Jesus in Hebrew) instructed us: "have eyes that see and ears that hear ~ do not be deceived!"
Sometimes if I was weakened by physical sickness or emotional wear & tear, marijuana sometimes made me horribly paranoid; to the point that I sometimes had to sing the verse of the Beatles song that goes “he blew his mind out in a car”. Crazily, that phrase soothed the insane fear of leaving my body.
Marijuana denying spiritual, emotional and mental self-actualization, I tried to convince nonusers and my critics that marijuana was an herb no different than sage, rosemary and thyme and that God put it on the earth for the good of all His children.
But just like eating puffer fish kills hundreds of Japanese every year as the most expensive sushi in the world and the venom of the spitting cobra blinds humans’ eyes immediately, that does not mean that cannabis sativa ~ though God created it, is good for everyone.
Knowing through my vast years of experience that it dulls body pain and creates increased appetite, medical marijuana is much better than any of the extremely toxic chemicals that Big Pharma prescribes to put a Band-Aid on cancer; so that BP and its legal drug dealing doctors continue making 100's of Billions of dollars off of it annually by purposely NOT creating a cure.
But to use it as I did misbelieving that it enhanced the flavor of food, the sensation of sex, the enjoyment of music or the enhancement of a movie in a theater, diminished the passing of time on long rides, etc., that Almighty God had already sown DMT ~ N-Dimethyltryptamine in my DNA upon being created in my Mom's womb.
DMT is produced in the human brain and is involved in certain psychological and neurological states. DMT is naturally occurring in small amounts in the human cerebrospinal fluid and other tissues of mammals. It can produce vivid projections of mystical experiences including euphoria!
Wishing that I had learned about this discovery much earlier, marijuana would not have stunted my spiritual growth ~ which is my very core SELF and means the very, very most to me in life; as well as saving hundreds of thousands of dollars that I could’ve used to create an even better family lifestyle ~ than the incredible one that God graced me with.
Knowing that with the help of Ruach Hakodesh (The Holy Spirit in Hebrew), I am now tapping in to the Godly created DMT reserve in my mind that requires no extraneous
Zig~Zag papers, rolling machines, bong pipes, weed sifters, brownies, etc.
The “fleeting glimpse” that David Gilmour sings of and I experienced often was that of the devil.
Many times when I smoked ~ especially by myself, I saw a black shadow moving out of the corner of my eye. The “come on now I hear you're feeling down, well I can ease your pain get you on your feet again” was the voice of the demon speaking to me when I was stoned and blocking out God.
"Relax, I'll need some information first ~ just the basic facts. Can you show me where it hurts?” The hurt that I was experiencing was not confronting who l really was. Hiding behind the smoke in the physical and the 4th dimensional invisible world, kept me from knowing God’s truth and His plan for me.
As I’ve already confirmed previously, hurt people hurt people. My addiction so severe, my children Christian and Alexandra had to have a big joint ready for me in the ashtray when they picked me up at Florida's Sarasota International. And there was hell to pay when they forgot or when there simply was no weed available.
Alexandra got a full load of hurt poured over her, when I was so liqueed-up after a full day of delays on top of flying 5 hours from Los Angeles when she could not score marijuana after desperately trying, that just to ease my pain ~ I made her cry!
As also mentioned before, there were many hundreds of times when I could’ve lost my license due to my 4th DUI, being relegated to walking or riding a bike like a homeless bum.
Especially on day trip eight hour drives back-and-forth from Sarasota to Miami, I just had to be totally smoked-out especially on Alligator Alley, or if not ~ I was in an all-day funk. Marijuana literally took over my entire life.
My biggest epiphany came when I took my Mom and Grandma to the Sarasota Ritz-Carlton for Thanksgiving Dinner on November 25, 2010. I was so wasted that the next day I barely had a recollection of what I ate and most importantly what I said to my mother and grandmother on such a special feast of gratitude ~ celebrating their extremely healthy and lengthy lives (95 and 102 respectively) and our sharing Spirit together.
Deciding the next day on Friday, November 26 to quit marijuana forever on Monday January 3, 2011, my wife Christine asked me why I did not want to quit on Saturday New Year’s Day? I lovingly reminded her that Mondays were always my launching pad when it came to test-driving new nutrition regimens, exercise programs or releasing bad habits.
Having bought 2 extra ounces of super strong hydroponic marijuana to smoke as well as to bake in almost hallucinating producing brownies, those 36 days after I made up my mind to quit marijuana were the most totally wasted of my entire life.
Backed up every day by a minimum of 4 Corona Lights and 4 shots of El Milagro Tequila, I prayed intensely to Ruach Hakodesh for His help in my being set free, and purposely made myself sick and tired of being constantly stoned day & night and it worked!
Smoking down my supply all the way to the very last joint @ 11:30 Sunday night January 2, 2011, I blew about half of it and dumped the rest in the toilet. Sleeping like a bear and waking up still robotically searching the reefer vegetable bins for reefer brownies to enjoy with my coffee before taking off on my daily 8 miler, there were none of course and I left with a slight tingling of wanting “just a taste.”
Striding very strongly, I made the top of the Ringling Bridge in record time, but started feeling a bad case of the willees coming on. Believing correctly that it was withdrawal symptoms, I decided to stop which was very unusual for me and sit on a bench facing the warm winter sun, contemplating the beauty of the bay and humbly pleading for God’s help to make me feel better.
After about 45 minutes my prayers were answered, I got up and almost sprinted the 2 miles to Selby Gardens and I knew right then and there that I was a new creation in the Lord.
9.5 YEARS CLEAN & FREE now after 45 YEARS of being filthy dirty addicted to marijuana, I exactly received what Ruach Hakodesh promised me ~ “the highest of all highs”; which I express utmost gratitude to Him for this blessing every second of my life in my eternal, powerful, joyful and unconditional love.
“I turned to look but it was gone I cannot put my finger on it now The child is grown The dream is gone I have become comfortably numb…………………”
AND ONLY IN THE HOLY SPIRIT!